[The Chaser]

. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

. IF A DEAF PERSON GOES BEFORE A TRIBUNAL, IS IT CALLED A HEARING?

. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

. WHY DO THEY LOCK SERVICE STATION RESTROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH ATM MACHINES?

. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
_________________
Flair for show nutz for dough...better to be lucky than good